HeartCatch PreCure! 02

HeartCatch PreCure! 02: me right now

Oto. I f*cking hate Tuxedo Mask!

Pon. Why’d you censor it?

Oto. This is a kids’ show.

Pon. I also don’t like that character. The guy who swoops in and saves the day.

Oto. In every episode of Sailor Moon, through what I’ve seen, Tuxedo Mask has to show up to save Sailor Moon in some way. Every. Episode.

Pon. Doesn’t the magical girl always end up tougher than the guy, though? Not that this is a defense. I still don’t like that character.

Oto. He’s bad. Tsubomi does seem to instantly learn kung fu as soon as she transforms. So, that’s good. Gotta be honest, I wasn’t expecting kung fu out of Precure. Thought maybe they’d just shoot stars at each other or something. Or flowers, I guess.

Pon. Really? You didn’t know the Precures punch stuff? Man, I’m pretty bad at selling these shows to you. It’s like how I somehow forgot to mention that they’re always singing in Symphogear.

Oto. I’m glad Cure Flower is the grandma. She’s good. Got a cool puppet friend. Totally called it, by the way.

Pon. You said it would be the mom. I’m glad it’s the grandma rather than the mom. Now we know why it’s all flower-themed: she got her start in the 60s.

Oto. I wanna watch that Precure. The one where they’re high as balls the whole time.

Pon. What the hell? What happened to your concern about this being a kids’ show?

Oto. I love how they use flower meanings in this show.

Pon. Yeah, I’m a big fan of when a magic system really sticks with its metaphors. Like, if the system commits to flower meanings, it has to follow through with the implications of that. It can’t cheat and say this or that particular flower meaning doesn’t apply because plot or whatever. The metaphors are the aspect of magic that most have to be consistent for it to be “believable.”

Oto. I also love her wand weapon thing. She shoots you with a flower that traps you, then she spins it really fast and you’re beaten. The spinny bit is the best part. It’s hilariously just a way to sell toys.

Pon. Yeah, same with the coin bank jar Tsubomi keeps the fairy jizz in. Why’s it necessary? Can’t she just put the jizz tablet in a facebank or something? No.

Oto. Oh, I totally want one of those! They should sell them with candy heart seeds in them and once you eat all the candy you can use it as a bank damn they got me.

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