Oto. I had a dream last night that Hibiki’s spirit was inside of me so I could transform into Gungnir and I flew off with my Symphogear team and it was awesome. The tall lady from Cinderella Girls was there. She was a Symphogearer.
Pon. Were you a cute girl?
Oto. No. I was me.
Pon. Your dream sucks.
Oto. Fuck you.
Pon. Okay, who are these soldiers whose orders are to kill literally everyone they see?
Oto. America. Probably.
Pon. Why is it never, like, Russia? I guess in Full Metal Panic it was.
Oto. These people are terrible at keeping secrets. Ver was like five feet away when they were talking about how no one got Fine’s soul. Also that blonde kid totally got Fine’s soul. I thought Fine was a good guy now. She was gonna cut this shit out.
Pon. No she wasn’t.
Oto. Hibiki taught her how to love.
Pon. No, the villains in this are too awesome to be taught anything by the heroes. They’re alright, I don’t dislike any of them, but compared to the villains, the heroes all have pretty weak personalities. I want the Symphogear in which Tsubasa wears only the color black and writes metal lyrics on the backs of her hands in ballpoint pen, and in which Hibiki is always super pumped and only knows how to solve her problems by punching them. It’s a running joke that Miku is really good at dodging, or is otherwise secretly a martial arts master or something.
Oto. I’d say it’s all equally weak. The villains are just more fun to watch.
Pon. The villains are awesome.
Oto. They’re awesome, but they don’t have any more of a personality than the heroes.
Pon. Yeah, and sometimes that’s okay in a show, but the solution to that becoming tedious once the characters have been onscreen enough is to turn it up to 11 … 11 million. Ver’s on the right track with his fucking faces.
Oto. I don’t know about that. I kinda just want to see him get shot in his fucking faces.
Pon. That’s fine. If he gets shot in one, he’s got like a hundred others in his fucking shirt pocket at any given time.
Oto. So, am I wrong, or is the thing that’s killing Terrorist Mom totally gonna be the same thing that’s killing Hibiki and Ver is gonna find a cure in the end and the good guys are gonna get their hands on it and the day is saved?
Pon. Oh, like in Batman and Robin. What killed the dinosaurs?
Oto. What?
Pon. A small mammal wearing musical power armor, probably. I’d watch that show.
Bros Before Shows 