THE iDOLM@STER Cinderella Girls 05

THE iDOLM@STER Cinderella Girls 05: Literally us

Oto. This episode reaffirmed my hate for certain characters. Miku needs to fuck off. She’s annoying. She should be fired.

Pon. She’s impatient. Like, of course she’ll debut eventually. Does she think she’s there for her fucking health? I guess when you’re a kid, every day feels like a year. That’ll change as she creeps closer and closer to the oblivion that will one day embrace us all.

Oto. Okay look. I may not be the rockinest dude, but Riina needs to shut herself in her room one day and rock binge. If she wants to rock, she needs to fuckin rock! I’m willing to give her a chance. She just needs some work. Also, quit your job. Pick up a guitar. Get to rockin.

Pon. She needs Jack Black to come and give her CDs to listen to for homework preparatory to his kidnapping her as part of a moneymaking scheme. You’re being too goddamn negative, though. Cheer the fuck up and talk about who you do like.

Oto. Kirari, despite having an annoying name to say for an American guy trying his best at a Japanese accent, is my new favorite.

Pon. I like her. She talks like she’s drunk 24 hours a day.

Oto. She’s so cheerful.

Pon. Because she’s drunk.

Oto. And reliable. She’s like the mom, but she’s not too momish. She’ll take care of you, then the two of you can go out and party. She’s like an adorable older sister.

Pon. I guess my favorite is Anzu. I’m on her mental level, you know? She has the right idea. Work as little as possible for as much reward as possible, then sleep for three days. She even has someone to carry her around everywhere. Might be easier to just ride a Segway, but it’s almost as good.

Oto. The show needs to hurry up with their unit.

Pon. If they starred in an American sitcom, it’d be called, “The Long and Short of It.”

Oto. In my head they are the best unit.

Pon. You need to be more specific. What’re they doing up there in Otoutoland?

Oto. I’m not sure that would be appropriate for this … oh, you mean as an idol unit. In my head they’re like a denpa manzai group.

Pon. I think I found the actual best CG.

Oto. Of course you did.

Pon. Look at her eyes! She’s trying so hard to keep it together in that school uniform picture. She’s barely holding it in. Man, I can’t believe there’s a canon CG who will make you lick her boot. This is way better than vanilla im@s.

Oto. I want her to be the leader of my high school gang. But, you know, it’s unfortunate that none of the best characters will be in this show. Maybe they’ll have their own show. THE iDOLM@STER: Cinderella Girls: Season 2: No More Fuckin Around: Prepare to Lick Boot Edition.

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